If it were not so utterly risible it might make an episode of Yes, Prime Minister . With many apologies to Sir Antony Jay and Jonathan Lynn here goes:
The scene is the Prime Minister’s office at 10 Downing Street and Gordon Brown (GB) is at his desk when the celebrity chef Gordon Ramsay (GR) is shown in by Sir Humphrey (SH).
SH: Prime Minister, chef Gordon Ramsay is here to see you.
GR: Gordon (expansively), at least my ratings are up!
GB: Yes, well! (coughs) What can I do for you?
GR: Well Gord it’s really very simple. I want you to ban out-of-season fruit and vegetables from restaurant menus; I want you to ban fat chefs; and I want you to stop Delia from encouraging the use of ready-made ingredients: that’s cheating.
GB: So let me see if I have this right:
No fresh peas in winter?
No asparagus in December?
No strawberries in March?
Only beetroot, sprouts and parsnips in January?
Only chicory, leeks and cauliflower in February?
GR: (Enthusiastically) Yes!
GB: So who would run this?
GR: Local government inspectors would make secret visits and check out menus. Violators would face heavy penalties.<